- Pilot two coaching groups in parallel – an evening time slot and a “lunch bunch” time slot
- Get our virtual groups up and running first and then look for organizations to partner with that can provide other resources
- Have a “foundational” call series (the initial 5-pack) and consider follow-up call series’ on special topics (to dive deeper into specific issues, and possibly also a series for parents only/step-parents only rather than mixed)
- 10 – 15 adults per group (no children) – size is large enough to be diverse, small enough for all to “get in the game”
- Parents and step-parents participate on same call so each can hear the other’s perspective
- Cohort group (i.e. membership is ‘closed’ for a particular call series)
- Start with a basic “5-pack” – where a group commits to participating in 5 calls. If a call is missed, they will have access to a recording of the call (these recordings could be saved as archives and available long-term).
- Ask members to listen to a pre-recorded “orientation” so they understand what the calls are all about, and come with an empowering context
- Calls occur weekly; 45 minutes per call (feels more do-able than an hour and is likely to leave people wanting more, which is a good thing!)
- Each call is framed by a specific topic, such as “Your New Role,” “The Loyalty Tug,” “Angst Among Moms (biological and step),” “How to Listen and Talk to Each Other” (may start with the listening/talking topic – sets the stage for the call series and applies to all situations/topics)
- Call #5 focuses on where to go from here and could include meeting as a group face-to-face (for those in same geographic area), family volunteering.
Possible interventions/resources for families include:
- A family volunteer experience (discussed previously)
- An interactive web page (with blog)
- Face-to-face group meetings
- Virtual coaching calls
We unanimously agreed that the virtual coaching calls (supported by a web page as soon as possible!) is the right place to start because:
- Impact – These types of groups have been highly successful in the past; gives people who don’t usually get together to talk about this topic a way to join up.
- Ease – Easy to access and implement. Free conference lines readily available. Gives people anywhere in the country/world who has a phone access to this support. Anyone can facilitate with a little prep (no need for trained therapist to do this).
- Freedom for Participants – The relative anonymity of the intervention means members won’t be burdened by worry about what others will think/tell about them.
- Differentiation – it’s what’s missing from other types of support available for step-families.
<From the notes from our first large group call>
Can technology really work here? Jeff has been amazed by the power of virtual groups and the cohesion that is quickly created. Blog technology is great way to tell stories, interact with each other, help to strengthen others. Would be great to make as simple and low infrastructure as possible so opportunities could be available/replicated anywhere in country – create something contagious and relatively easy to maintain. A counselor could jump in at key junctures. School programs (face-to-face) already in existence could also be helpful.
<From the notes from our first large group call>
Do we need to target families that are “evolved” to a certain extent? In Jeff’s experience, all you need is one willing adult and remarkable things can be created from there.
<From our first large group call>
Is it a shared volunteer experience? Or simply an opportunity for adults of expanded families to clearly define roles and begin to communicate more effectively? Volunteering may be a later-stage intervention. On the other hand, volunteering offers an opportunity to be in the same room in a non-tense environment (compared to school meetings or other ways divorced parents are usually required to come together). It is a way for everyone to be together that strengthens everyone. Children can benefit enormously when seeing adults interact favorably.
<From Chris to Andrea via email>
I have been thinking a lot about “pilots” and how often a pilot is the best way to figure something out. Maybe we can have a few families just try out the idea. We would “interview” them at the start of the project to frame “what would work for them”.
- can they start with the volunteer activity or do they need other stepping stones
- do they need to make it about “doing right by the children” – or can/should we introduce the idea that this is as much for them as the kids?
- What happens when families work together – how did people feel during the effort?
- What types of volunteer activities help UNITE not divide?
- How do you make all people feel safe?
Maybe by trying it a few times with “disclaimers” we’d learn what worked for families. I think this is particularly important given that the people that get involved will be a various stages of the healing process.
I am willing to try to reach out to Christi-lynn and Greg to see if they would try it. I think Ken is also willing to reach out to Jamie and Scott. Two VERY different situations – and yet similar. We’ve already talked to the kids about it and they think it is a great idea.
