***** Apologies for the delay in getting this out to everyone! *****
Many thanks to Gail, Chris, and Jeff for creating the Tuesday small group call with me to get some definition around this project. It was a GREAT call – I’m just delighted with all we accomplished in a little over an hour. We ended the call feeling inspired and excited — despite the late hour on a school night!
See below for notes, including next steps.
REMINDER: Our next large group call is TONIGHT at 8pm EST. You should have received an invitation via Outlook with the particulars. (218) 486-1105 , passcode 77869#.
I’ll also be posting the notes below in various places on the blog – if please use that space to record your comments – ESPECIALLY if you won’t be able to join us. Your input is important and valuable!
Lots of love to all,
Andrea
ACCESSING THE RECORDED CALL ——————————————
The replay line is 218-936-1055, PASSCODE 77869#
It will be available until our call time tonight.
Attendees: Andrea Howe, Dr. Jeff Schlichter, Gail Guseman, Chris Hajzak
IMMEDIATE NEXT STEPS ———————————————————————
- Post comments on the blog to finalize the purpose statement, etc.
- Join us via teleconference tonight!
ACCESSING THE BLOG ——————————————-
Thanks again to Charlie and Vickie for getting this going. The blog, called Love Restored, is at http://happystepfamily.wordpress.com/wp-login.php?action=auth&redirect_to=%2Fwp-admin%2Findex.php. Login: happystepfamily
Password: loverestored
It’s easy to use! If you click on Posts from the Dashboard view, you’ll see a listing of everything, sorted by category.
NOTES FROM THE CALL ——————————————————–
Vision
This wasn’t an official agenda item, but we came up with some powerful stuff throughout the call.
- Chris shared a visual she has of a rope that shifts from a straight line with the child(ren) in the middle to a circle that represents a family unit with the child(ren) safe in the center. RANDY, I think it might be logo time! J
- Jeff is inspired by the reputation/image of step-families totally transforming as these families become seen as a force for good in the world (e.g., by taking a lead in volunteerism)
Purpose Statement
We came up with a great draft purpose statement (see below). Please share your suggested edits in the form of comments to the blog posting.
Project Purpose: To create a space for fostering the healing transition of step families to enriching family units in which each member feels whole and safe in their new roles.
Rationale behind word choice:
- healing – acknowledges that the dissolution of a family is traumatic, no matter how well it’s done
- transition – acknowledge the inevitable
- step families – it’s a known term; note that we also agreed project should focus on “official” step-families, where a substantial commitment has been made thru marriage to keep the new family structure
- enriching – implies growth
- family units – shift context from losing a family to reconstituting a relationship, creating a new “whole”
- whole – <can’t remember!>
- safe – <can’t remember!>
- new roles – this is key to successfully navigating the transition and a way we can be most helpful
Interventions
Possible interventions/resources for families include:
- A family volunteer experience (discussed previously)
- An interactive web page (with blog)
- Face-to-face group meetings
- Virtual coaching calls
We unanimously agreed that the virtual coaching calls (supported by a web page as soon as possible!) is the right place to start because:
- Impact – These types of groups have been highly successful in the past; gives people who don’t usually get together to talk about this topic a way to join up.
- Ease – Easy to access and implement. Free conference lines readily available. Gives people anywhere in the country/world who has a phone access to this support. Anyone can facilitate with a little prep (no need for trained therapist to do this).
- Freedom for Participants – The relative anonymity of the intervention means members won’t be burdened by worry about what others will think/tell about them.
- Differentiation – it’s what’s missing from other types of support available for step-families.
Virtual Coaching Calls – Design Elements
- 10 – 15 adults per group (no children) – size is large enough to be diverse, small enough for all to “get in the game”
- Parents and step-parents participate on same call so each can hear the other’s perspective
- Cohort group (i.e. membership is ‘closed’ for a particular call series)
- Start with a basic “5-pack” – where a group commits to participating in 5 calls. If a call is missed, they will have access to a recording of the call (these recordings could be saved as archives and available long-term).
- Ask members to listen to a pre-recorded “orientation” so they understand what the calls are all about, and come with an empowering context
- Calls occur weekly; 45 minutes per call (feels more do-able than an hour and is likely to leave people wanting more, which is a good thing!)
- Each call is framed by a specific topic, such as “Your New Role,” “The Loyalty Tug,” “Angst Among Moms (biological and step),” “How to Listen and Talk to Each Other” (may start with the listening/talking topic – sets the stage for the call series and applies to all situations/topics)
- Call #5 focuses on where to go from here and could include meeting as a group face-to-face (for those in same geographic area), family volunteering.
Project Strategies (Misc.)
- Pilot two coaching groups in parallel – an evening time slot and a “lunch bunch” time slot
- Get our virtual groups up and running first and then look for organizations to partner with that can provide other resources
- Have a “foundational” call series (the initial 5-pack) and consider follow-up call series’ on special topics (to dive deeper into specific issues, and possibly also a series for parents only/step-parents only rather than mixed)
Resources
- Dinosaur Divorce (a good book for children)
- Strengthening Your Step-Family (a book for adults) by Einstein and Albert (not a typo), referenced in a recent issue of Divorce magazine (how fascinating there is such a magazine)
- www.stepcarefully.com — a site Chris found thru Google
